i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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