drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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