we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
