I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
