69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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