I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
