I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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