I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
