Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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