"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
