omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
i now understand why vodka
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
