I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
