it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
