How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
