she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
