Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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