We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
