Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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