You're my little dorito
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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