I cannot find my penis.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
