the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
