i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
