the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
