For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
