He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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