i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
