my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
