in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
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