Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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