the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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