my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
