five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
