Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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