just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize