Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
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he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
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So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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