On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
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some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
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Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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