I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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