In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
