Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
