The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
