How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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