i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
