This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
