I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
