No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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