Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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