i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
