cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
