Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
