YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
