I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
