oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
