I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
