On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
