Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
