I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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