Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
