Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
