how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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