if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
