Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
