some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
