i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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