Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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