Christians are straight up FREAKS
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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