Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He better not be in your backpack
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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