kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
