this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
He has the fingertips of a God
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