Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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